Here at Rude Christmas Jumpers HQ (let’s pretend we’re based in a huge megastructure in the arctic, instead of, let’s say, a warehouse in Leeds), we don’t like doing Christmas the conventional way.
That’s why we made our cheeky festive jumpers with our tongue firmly in our cheek, to bring a little originality, humour and happiness to the Christmas season. We weren’t the only ones to think this, so we gathered up 6 of the cheekiest, funniest and most offensive Christmas cards you can send your friends and (some) relatives in 2015.
Send a card with a difference this year and grab the holiday season by the balls.
Deck The Balls Rude Christmas Card
Give this Christmas a little more sparkle with a card adorned with a triple threat attack of sparsely-haired, festive ballsacks. The best ideas are based loosely on puns, so we were totally up for this artistic effort from NeptunesLaundry.
Greedy Bastard Rude Christmas Card
Christmas is always a time for excess, so be sure to remind someone special to not stuff their face too much this year. Cheeky but not rude enough so you couldn’t give it to a relative, this is just one, but all of LaylaDesigns Christmas cards are great. You go Layla. You are smashing it.
The Human Santapede Rude Christmas Card
Sometimes two things combine so perfectly, you’re not sure they were ever separated. This is one of those times. Blend the horrific, shocking plot of a horror film with a concept too disgusting to even put into words, and three jolly santas, and here we are. The Human Santapede. From KissmeKwik.
Merry Christmas Nobhead Rude Christmas Card
No messing about this one. About as subtle as santa emptying his sack on your new rug, this cheeky card is the ideal shout for Christmas this year. Available from Dean Morris Cards, surprise and delight someone special with this thoughtful card. Or buy it for some knobhead. Either way.
Wise Man Rude Christmas Card
Yeah, never thought about is like that, but this card has a point. I mean how wise were these men anyway? Why does a baby need gold? Why does a baby need Myrrh something I just had to Google to figure what the hell it is? It’s a aromatic resin used as perfume by the way, which comes no closer to explaining why an infant would need it. Stick to the huggies lads.
You Whore Rude Christmas Card
Not bothered with a present for someone this year? Perfect! Instead of digging something out from the back of your cupboard or going to the pound shop, just give this card. Problem solved. Available from DiffyDolls.
Good Christmas? Rude Christmas Card
This is literally all we do at Christmas. Aside from a few nights out and family occasions spent with pissed up, slightly-racist relatives, Christmas is the perfect time for doing dick-all. Get this for someone who is guaranteed to spend the festive period hibernating on the couch covered in crisp dust like a bear that’s raided a 24 hour garage. Available from the consistently great guys and girls at Modern Toss.