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Nov 18 ,2015 Written By: Joe M

5 Rude Christmas Presents For Your Girlfriend

What do women want? Mel Gibson explored this quandary in that crap film from years ago (Rotten Tomatoes score: 54%, gutted Mel), and it turns out we’re no closer to answering the elusive question: what should I buy my girlfriend?

Funny Christmas Presents

We trawled the internet for fun, rude and downright bizarre present options for your special lady that are sure to remind her what a lovely, thoughtful and charming chap you truly are. Are you a woman reading this wondering what to buy your boyfriend? Don’t fret - we have your back with our 5 Rude Christmas Presents For Men guide.

Wine Bottle Glass

A lighthearted take on alcohol abuse, this Wine Bottle Glass is perfect for your long suffering girlfriend. Who wouldn’t need to guzzle a whole bottle of wine when listening to you describe that goal you scored at 5aside on wednesday? Or wince as you fail to understand the rudimentary plot points straightforward HBO drama?

Make your gauche company more bearable for your bae this Christmas – by letting her get extra pissed.

Flatulence Underwear

 

Discovering that women can fart is a watershed moment for many people. Like discovering Santa isn’t real, it’s a moment where years of willful self delusion unravel like your childhood hopes and dreams.

Spare yourself the eye watering nightmare of a morning duvet wafting with flatulence underwear, underwear that traps all odours permanently, using science. Fair warning: the reaction to this present could literally go either way. From Firebox.

Inflatable Unicorn Costume

 

This might be one of the maddest things we've ever seen so there’s no way we couldn’t include it on our list. Give your girlfriend the ability to live her dream (we assume) of becoming a princess riding aloft a magical if slightly rotund looking unicorn.

Simply inflate and watch her wander around granting wishes with her chubster magical horse. Available from FindMeAGift.

Gin and Titonic - Titanic Ice Cube Tray

Where did this idea come from that women love Titanic? It’s a film that ends in thousands of deaths in the icy, unforgiving ocean, with the handsome boy-prince Leonardo Dicaprio turning into an ice pop before our very eyes. Not exactly Four Weddings is it?

Anyway, make tiny ice cubes in the shape of Titanic that will have her shouting ‘I Put The Diamond In the Coat... I PUT THE COAT ON HER’ long into the night. Avialable from TotallyFunky.

Rude Christmas Jumper

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More predictable than that long, annoying pause they do on X-Factor, it was clear from the outset that we’d include a Rude Christmas Jumper into our list. Our funny Christmas jumpers are the perfect gift for your special lady, especially if she has a great sense of humour. Our ‘Find Me Under The Christmas Tree’ Rude Christmas Jumper is specifically designed for women and is made in the UK from the finest quality yarn, for an extra cosy Christmas day.

And that’s the end of the list. All done. Only question remains – was this list a shameless marketing ploy from the beginning? That’s for you to figure out.

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Published In Rude Christmas Jumpers